Tuesday, May 3, 2011

A Dog Named Blitz - Chapter Five, "One Year Old", Part 3

3or background on this serial, please click here. You can also start at the previous section


While that first year made for some interesting episodes inside the boat, it also added those moments when time on the water was just too quiet.  Duck hunting can be defined as 14% preparation, 1% hunting, and 85% waiting and thinking.  In those thinking moments I often reflected on the times that dad and I spent in the very same boat, doing the very same thing.  When reflecting, I couldn’t help but miss him terribly, and found these times being more and more melancholy.  I missed our discussions; both important and trivial.  I also missed the silence that you can share with someone you know and love that does not have to be filled with conversation or distraction.  I missed everything about him not being there with me. 

Fortunately, Blitz offered a perfect distraction.  She was usually into something she shouldn’t have been, which required constant management and correction.  But in those events where she was actually behaving, she would be doing something endearing like thumping her tail against the bottom of the boat at a volume that would scare away any duck in the county or sit with her head on my knee, patiently waiting to be petted. 

In these moments, and especially when we were out there just by ourselves, she became a treasured hunting companion.  She also made for a great conversationalist, as while she never verbally responded to anything, she listened well, and would sometimes sympathize with an appropriate whine, yawn, tail wag, or episode of flatulence.  In many respects she was a perfect hunting partner. 

Beyond conversation, Blitz was a commensurate duck hunter.  Armed with a canine’s keen hearing and amazing eyesight, she’d often spot ducks in the distance well ahead of my noticing them.  Dozens of times I’d be able to look at her face, at it would belie that she was tracking ducks – her ears were up, her brow lowered, and her unblinking brown eyes focused onto a distant target.  In these times I’d try and align my gaze to hers and see what she was tracking.  Surprisingly, it would often be ducks.  I say that this was surprising as there are many birds that one encounters while duck hunting – seagulls, swans, pelicans, cormorant, blackbirds, eagles, hawks and crows just to name a few.  However, there is something very distinct about the flight pattern of a duck, namely it constantly flaps its wings, and only stops when in the process of losing altitude or landing.  While that pattern is distinct, it can be mimicked at times by other birds, and it can take hunters many hours in the swamp before being confident in identifying birds on the wing at a distance.  Despite this difficulty, Blitz was true on many of her identifications, and I was able to call and work birds I would have otherwise never seen had I not been paying attention to her. 

The focus she was able to display in those moments made me question my original concern about her potential case of ADD, but then the birds would leave, she’d be back to tying to eat a cattail or chase a spent shell around the bottom of the boat, and the cycle would begin itself all over again.   

*      *     *     *     *

Outfitting a hunting dog for training, waterfowling, and upland hunting is quite expensive.  Beyond the costs of the training itself and staples like food, crate, dummies, toys and snacks, there are a plethora of other components of gear that help to make a sporting dog’s time in the elements more effective, and unfortunately none of these are cheap.  I was fortunate as at the time I owned Blitz I was running marketing for a major outdoor retailer, and was lucky enough to obtain cheap gear through my employee discount or by samples received from sympathetic merchandise buyers. 

Blitz, though, earned some of this gear herself. 

Occasionally product would be featured in our advertising and would really need to be modeled in order to best reflect the item.  While this was obvious for clothing, it also worked for some of the dog gear, and with Blitz’s photogenic good looks and extremely light yellow coat, she’d make a great pallet from which to sell our gear.  Her first opportunity to be a dog model arrived when a buyer stopped into my office with a camouflage neoprene dog vest.  “Mike, you have a light-yellow colored Lab, right”  he asked.  I nodded in the affirmative, and he continued, “I have this camo vest that needs a yellow dog in order for it to really show up well on film.  The lighter the better.  Would you be interested in using her as a model?  You can keep the vest.”  I told him that indeed I’d be interested.  But things got tricky after that.  “She’s well trained and will sit, right?” he asked.  “Uh,” I stammered, “yeah I spent a lot on her training and…” I trailed off.  “Perfect,” he replied, “I'll have the Photo Studio to contact you on the shoot.” 

While the vest was a great incentive, I wondered exactly what I might have gotten myself into. 

The day for the photo shoot arrived, and I had purposefully put Blitz through some rounds that morning in an attempt to burn off some energy from her.  We had doubled our morning walk, and I followed it with a session of retrieving training dummy after training dummy in the back yard.   By the time we had finished, I had one very tired yellow lab who was eager to get back into her crate while I got myself ready. 

Upon completing my shower and dressing, I was pleased to go downstairs and see that Blitz was calmly laying in her crate, and had obviously just woke up when she heard my footfalls on the steps.  Given her state, I was cautiously optimistic that this photo shoot might just go OK.  I loaded the dog into the back of my truck and headed for the photo studio.  

Upon arrival, every iota of my optimism was immediately dashed.  It seemed that the studio was also shooting for another retailer that morning, and that shoot just happened to be for kid's clothing.  There were literally kids everywhere, running around, screaming, and acting like kids.  While Blitz loved people, she absolutely adored kids.  If you introduced her to a group of people, she'd always greet one of the kids first, and would do so with her tail wagging, ears down, and with that canine facial expression that can only be described as smiling.  And as far as she was concerned, the more kids around, the better things were.  So when I saw 20 or so kids spilling out of the studio lobby into the parking lot, I knew that all of my hard work to wear down my dog as a means of keeping her calm was for naught. 

As I opened the lift gate, Blitz could already hear the squeals of the kids, and was thumping her crate with her tail like she was beating a bass drum.  I opened the crate door, barred her exit, and attached her lead as quickly as possible.  Once attached, instantly she bolted from the crate to the end of the lead, looking to meet those wonderful kids that were making so much noise.  As we approached the building, I was met by the evil and disapproving eyes of the kids' mothers, as I'm sure their concerns about keeping things calm were on par with mine. 

W.C. Fields is credited with saying "Never work with children or animals."  Given the next few minutes, I knew exactly what he meant.  Blitz was overloaded, as she was quickly surrounded by kids.  Moms were yelling to kids to not get dog hair on them.  One kid asked if she could pet my dog, and I answered in the affirmative.  That gave the entire group the green light to pet her, and immediately the dog was buried beneath little hands wanting to pet the friendly dog.  Another little girl asked "What's the puppy-dog's name?"  "Blitz," I replied, and immediately every  kid was happily yelling "BLITZ!  BLITZ!"  Confusion reigned in our kid-dog party.  Reigned with an iron fist.

I somehow got the dog out of the middle of the chaos, and got her to sit, but a little boy standing nearby couldn't stand it anymore and threw his arms around Blitz's neck and gave her a huge hug.  Blitz always liked this, and she thumped her tail approvingly and gave the kid a big lick.  Immediately other kids quickly lined up for their turn for a hug, all while the mother of the first little boy was chewing him out and trying her best to get the yellow fur off of his black pants.   It was a scene of joy and love shared by the kids and the dog, and simultaneously one of frustration and seething shared by the moms and me.  Happily, photo studio staff soon arrived on the scene and ushered the dog and I into our stage area as calls of "GOODBYE BLITZ!" echoed behind us. 

The calm of the studio room was a welcomed relief, and Blitz continued to make more friends as we met the photographer and the two assistants.  After introductions, one of the assistants asked if Blitz was ready for her first modeling job, and held out the neoprene dog vest to me on a crooked finger.  Little did I know that that the chaos had only just begun.

Monday, May 2, 2011

BIN LADEN DEAD!




Words are simply failing me. 

I’m awash in emotions:
  • There hasn’t been a moment of this kind of national pride since I can’t remember. 
  • Finally.  It took ten years, but FINALLY! 
  • As a Christian, I really struggle.  I want vengeance, and I want this scum to burn in hellfire for eternity.  I know God will judge, but this is too new, and I still hold a fervent hope for some kind of comeuppance. 
  • If the story that is being to told is true, what an outstanding performance by our Special Forces.  I’m heartened that one of our guys delivered the final blow, and that bin Laden knew it was coming.  I hope, just for a minute or two, he suffered the same fear and hopelessness as those trapped in the burning towers. 
  • I love the signal this sends to the world, especially those that oppose us.  It might take time, but we will deliver justice.  You cannot be safe.  You cannot hide.  Mess with us, and expect the ultimate retaliation. 
  • I love the burial at sea.  Going to be tough to build a shrine out there.  I'm sure it will prompt conspiracy theories, but that would occur regardless. 
  • Here's to all who worked, in two different administrations, to bring this day to fruition.  It is nice to see all of that hard work bear fruit.
It is a great day to be an American.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Minnesota Sports Hits Rock Bottom

It is safe to say that Minnesota sports has officially hit its bottom.  Don't believe me?  Let's review:
  • The Wild, Wolves, Gopher Hockey and Basketball all finished horrible seasons that did not result in any kind of post-season participation.  All look to continue such performance for the upcoming season. 
  • Gopher football had another lackluster recruiting season, and will likely miss going to a bowl again this season. 
  • Vikings football still hasn't fixed their embarrassing stadium, completely soiled themselves in the draft, and will struggle to stay out of the conference cellar. 
  • The Twins are one loss and a Cleveland win away from a double-digit games-behind deficit before the month of May even starts.  As a team that has prided itself on doing the little things right, in this short season they've made miscue after miscue in the field and on the base paths in such a way as to threaten Gardy's livelihood.  Oh, and they have the worst record in MLB. 
Simply put, for Minnesota sports fans, there is not one thing, not one, for which there can be optimism. 

While all of the franchises above have struggled in the past, I cannot remember a period when they've all been so bad simultaneously.

Pathetic.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Reasons Why I Liked the Royal Wedding

I'm not a fan of pop culture.  I don't read fiction, don't watch TV, don't go to movies, and don't listen to "popular" music.  Pretty much if the crowd is headed one way, I'm headed the other.  However, I must say that I was struck by the beauty and pageantry of the royal wedding yesterday. 

I was taken aback by the fact that I was touched by it, and in the past 24 hours I've been trying to dissect why.  I've settled on a couple of things:
  • In an environment of deep political division, multiple and endless wars, an economy teetering on the brink, hundreds dead in the south, gas and food prices skyrocketing, and just about every other piece of apocalyptic news one could imagine, comes this genteel and sweet celebration.  What a breath of sweet, fresh air in an otherwise caustic news environment.
  • I'm a fan of marriage.  I know they don't all work out (been there, done that, got the T-shirt to prove it).  But when it works, it's a wonderful God-given gift.  Call me old fashioned, but I still believe in it, and the good that it can do. 
  • For a society like the UK where the marriage rates of adults have plummeted to their lowest levels since records were kept in 1862, I like the tone this celebration sets.  
  • Lastly, I just like weddings.  I like the celebration and the formal, public reorganization of what a marriage means.  I like putting on the suit and dancing with my wife.  I like being around my family.  And when I consider that I'm at an age now where I attend far more funerals than weddings, I'm spiritually refreshed by the celebration of life that weddings provide. 
So, well done, William and Kate.  Thanks for allowing us to celebrate along with you, and  for the opportunity to remember that life in 2011 doesn't have to be an endless string of bad news, pain, and suffering.

Friday, April 29, 2011

New Vikings Quarterback Ponder Another Draft Failure

With the 12th overall pick in the draft (12th!), the Vikings addressed a short-term problem with a long-term solution. 

With few exceptions, the 1st round pick of an NFL team needs to be a player that can step in and start, at a minimum, or make a difference in the team at the maximum.  By drafting Ponder where they did, the Vikings' brain-trust chose to forgo a difference-maker and acquire a project - one that will take multiple seasons to fully develop, if he pans out at all. 

Folks, this is team that was 6-10 last year, and finished last in the NFC North.  They needed to find a way to get immediately better with the draft.  Instead, they took a pick that was nearly universally slotted for the 2nd round, and did so without even trading down to improve their lot.  Even if Ponder was absolutely THE player the Vikings needed to take, he could and should have been had much more cheaply. 

Last week when I flew out to Seattle, our departing plane flew over an embarrassing, still-deflated Metrodome.  Who knew that such a visual would represent a harbinger of yet another Minnesota Vikings draft day epic failure?  

Thursday, April 28, 2011

How Great Thou Art

As you've seen from this blog, I'm a big music fan.  While my preference runs for the alternative/indy genre most of all, I literally like everything.  Certainly not every artist, but every genre has something there for me to enjoy. 


Country is one where I have the biggest disconnect.  While I enjoy classic country (Cash, Willie, Waylon, the Hanks) anything new that I've liked has really been relegated to the more alt-country performers (Lyle Lovett, Robbie Fulks, Dwight Yoakem).  But with that, great performances are where you find them, and the following, ladies and gentlemen, is just that.


Carrie Underwood brings the Country Music Awards audience to tears, and completely obliterates an incredible guitar solo by Vince Gill that should have invoked an ovation if any other singer would have been sharing the stage with him.


This is an awesome performance.  Enjoy

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Swanson's Bait Launches New Website

Swanson's Bait of Hackensack, MN (and my favorite bait store) has launched a major upgrade of their website.  Beyond fishing tackle and fishing electronics, the store features their famous clothing and gift items that are personalized to local area lakes. 

I've already placed my first order, and I'm told that new merchandise will continually be added.

If you're headed north on 371, be sure to stop into Swanson's and say "hi" to JT and the crew.  But if you can't be there anytime soon, stop by the Swanson's Bait website and order up some lake area gifts.  You'll feel like you're up north.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Critics Continue to Go After Morneau

Twins "fans" on the StarTribune have been kicking around Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer for being "soft." 

With Morneau's reappearance in the lineup on Saturday, I was shocked to see how gaunt and sickly he looked.  He had obviously dropped over 10 pounds, and clearly had been very, very sick.  It was a fact that some "fans" either chose to ignore or, worse, they noticed and still felt Morneau was "soft."  Either way, these folks are a pathetic excuse for "fans."
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