Saturday, January 21, 2012

Ode to a Buddy on the Occasion of His 60th Birthday

Twas a cold winter's day on the date of your birth
and for sixty long years you've trod on this earth
Career, marriage, kids, accomplishments many
But reviewing all that, well there won't be any
Instead, dear Mr. X I would  like to implore you
to drink up as we're discussing how the Gang of Four know you
I guess it all starts with softball where you weren't a feared batter
But feared in warming up, now that's a whole different matter
You'd saved your best performance after the game at the bar
Where you abused Pauly's AmEx and made me drive your car
With pheasants you'd always have trouble staying in line
And would be off following Sam at some point in time
You'd just disappear, and we'd say "what the f--k?"
But knew that eventually we'd meet at the truck
As for darts you're performance was always the same
Be it a 301 contest or that other limey game
Harder and faster, throwing darts like you're mad
Only getting worse with the more drinks that you had
And at golf we could say "brutal" is the appropriate word
Given the amount you're OB and profanity heard
But as a golf betting negotiator your skills are spectacular
Securing us strokes at best-ball (by your vernacular)
In Vegas your antics make the dealers all frown
And caused a nice Asian woman to say "Gee, guys settle down"
But you were quite harmless and only raised one stink:
"Sir, he's not gambling." "I don't care, get him a drink"
As a fishing guide, there's less fishing and more drivin'
And get the hell out the way if you call "Crazy Ivan"
You're choices on when we move, well they're not very fair
As when a guy has to poop, we'll we're staying right there
You're musical tastes, they just make me just furious
As "Shitty Song of the 70's" is your favorite on Sirius
And your baseball allegiances should be considered a sin
as I loathe my voicemail messages of "The Yankees Win"
Your hard drinking days gone, you're now kind of boring
By the time Mongo rides to town you're usually snoring
But it is all understandable - you're getting up there in age
And as you move to your 60's it's the turn to a new page
So here's to you Mr. X.  A birthday toast if I might:
May your blessing be many and your burdens be light
As you sail the uncharted waters of your 60's, go forth and have fun
or as Commander Krill might say, "Welcome to the revolution!"

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Please feel free to include any thoughts you may have. Know, however, that kiddos might be reading this, so please keep the adult language to yourself. I know, for me to ask that language is clean is a stretch...